I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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