Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
