Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
