listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
