The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize