Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
