when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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