dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
