are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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