the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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