Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
