I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
