Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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