so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
