look no pants
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
