I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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