doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Congratulations! We have a period
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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