My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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