Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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