Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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