i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize