so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
