I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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