Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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