Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
