my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
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the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I smell like Dick and happiness
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