Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
