i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
