the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm both gender and math confused
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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