So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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