i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
