I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
