My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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