Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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