everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
