Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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