Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
