john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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