Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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