I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
