if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
