ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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