i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
