sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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