one might say we're banned from that church
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
