she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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