is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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