now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
