Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
