OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
