what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
