if i died would you start the facebook group?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
