Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
