Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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