...so i touched it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You are a booty call, not a friend.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
