I think my vagina is haunted
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
