is your mom at the bar?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
