I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
