So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
