hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
