We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
