Already got asked if we're dating
Plan B is the new Plan A
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
