I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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