i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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