There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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