i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
